“Do you meditate?”
It’s a common question these days. Almost everyone I speak to has taken a mindfulness program or is looking for a place to learn how to meditate. It’s an exciting time as well because, as healthcare professionals, we’re finding ways to help people that seem to be making a difference in their lives. So, how can there be a problem with that?
None, if meditation is taken up with an understanding of what it is and how it works. And, more important, how it doesn’t work.
What we think meditation is
Most people want to feel free of the stresses in their lives and it’s a realistic desire. Jobs are demanding or lost; relationships are frayed; the world seems fragile with disasters and destruction; chronic illnesses are affecting so many people. Who wouldn’t want something for these turbulent moments that gives a few moments of peace? When we approach meditation with the agenda of feeling better, it can feel good and for many of us, it may be enough to get us through the tough times.
But, is meditation just a practice of feel-good sayings or moments of by-passing reality?
What is meditation, really?
A Zen teacher said, “If all it takes to be enlightened is sitting, then frogs would be enlightened.”
If you’ve been meditating and still find yourself getting angry, frustrated, sad, or reactive, welcome to being human. The one thing meditation will not change is the natural responses we have to upsetting events in our life. Of course, the Catch-22 is that the more upset we feel in our lives, the harder it is to meditate because it’s all the same mind and mental habits.
The intent of meditation is to become aware of three patterns of reactivity:
Anger – I don’t want what I have
Clinging – I want what I don’t have
Confusion – I don’t know why things are going the way they are
If it’s happening in our everyday lives, it’s going to pop up in on the cushion as well. And, when it does, we start to feel meditation “isn’t working”. That’s when we may start avoiding or only sitting if it gives us good feelings like relaxation.
What keeps us from going back to the cushion?
In Buddhist psychology, there are five habit patterns that get in the way of changing our reactivities (and why we need to “meditate” throughout the day):
Desire for things that please us
It’s easy to see that if we really want to sleep in because the bed is so warm and cozy, we’re less likely to get out and get our butt on the cushion. that’s a low-level example, but I think we can see that many activities appear more desirable than sitting still – especially if sitting still brings up unpleasant thoughts and emotions!
It’s the same with feelings of anger; whether in the everyday activities of our lives or when we sit and the gates open, anger is a tough emotion to be a comfortable feeling. The problem is, if we’re practising anger throughout the day, it’s more likely to show up when we sit down and relax our mental control. So, watch for those moments of irritation when you’re off the cushion!
Sloth & torpor
I admit these are my favourite obstacles! Most days, by the time I get home, I’m wiped out – lethargy and laziness are my BFFs. If I try to sit when I feel this way, I just end up drifting off to sleep, which I rationalize as being one with the cosmic vastness. I also know that moment-by-moment, I’m likely practising sloth & torpor in my day as well. That means I need to pay attention to my procrastination and avoidance patterns.
Worry & agitation
These buddies are linked to needing an outcome that reassures us we’re doing the right thing. The problem is that there’s no “right thing” in most activities and our perfectionism pushes us to set unrealistic standards. Do a reality check: is what you’re aiming for really what’s needed.
This obstacle is the foundation of the previous four. And, it’s a sneaky one! It shows up as perfectionist tendencies, reverse praise (You did so well the last time!), cautious behaviour and procrastination, and so much more. Learn what you go-to excuses are for not getting to something that needs doing. See which of the previous four obstacles are partnering up with doubt to bring you to a grinding halt.
Am I getting enlightened?
Let’s hope so! Be careful of the hype around meditation. It doesn’t cure everything (or anything, actually). However, it can become possible to develop a level of steadiness that makes things more understandable. It can become the pause in our interactions that allow us to make a better choice, or see how we get in our own way. The catch is that it takes practice – and avoiding the desire for and addiction to the quick-fix of relaxation is the first step.